It is with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and water welling up in my eyes that I write this blog post. But I feel it is very important to share. If my marriage hadn’t broken down this blog would not exist. So there I have counted one blessing. Ok, so I look back and now know it wasn’t solely my husband who made the mistakes, I made some too. so I will share 10 things I did that didn’t help or that hurt our relationship. We got married very quickly after meeting so I didn’t realize we were still actually dating and living together, and on our honey moon. I should have been wiser.
- I didn’t trust my intuition – The first time I met my husbands mother, something said to me…it was a look on her face… This woman is a little wicked. I ignored it. She had to work emotionally hard within herself at setting her face positively in front of me. She was about 95% of the reason we broke up on such bad terms. My Mother in Law is from hell. She doesn’t say things to your face, but inside she seethes and hates. I will never be around her eye to eye again. I will look after my son and my husband but that’s it. She is evil.
- I paid no attention to my appearance – I met my husband in a sloppy state…me I mean…I kept up the sloppy state and expected him to be attracted to me. I didn’t change my weight, my hair, my makeup….nothing….not good…men are visual….every woman knows that. One relationship I was in when we broke up…he said to our mutual friends… “the next girlfriend I have, she’s going to be slim pretty and rich….” So I know weight is a factor in a mans mind in terms of his level of feelings and commitment to the relationship. My husband watches a lot of TV. I have to get my self in shape.
- I Discontinued my social life – My friends were leaving my life for 2 reasons. They couldn’t stand my complaints about my husband, and my husband was running them off with his reactions to taking phone calls from my friends, and then not taking phone calls in front of him, and then complained about taking phone calls outside etc. Dumb….can we say he is immature…? Yes he is immature. I’m married to him, coming home every night to sleep beside him, and he is acting like a child. I let that happen because I figured he was all I needed. Bad very bad, because then he saw me as a loser. Pretty much. When you get married you must keep up your social life. This will help to balance your relationship emotionally instead of trying to get everything from your Husband as your friend and your Lover.
- I gave up my independence – I moved into his house with him and his family. Then I expected him to solve my housing issue. I should have just moved out as soon as I got money so that he and I could have our privacy again. That contributed heavily to our breakup. If you are newly wed, you need your own space.
- I stopped working regularly – When I was single I would work all the time. 6 and 7 days a week actually. Then when I met my husband I just wanted to ….well you know…with him….most of the time…and enjoy my new experience in Jamaica. I shouldn’t have done that. I think we would have had a better quality relationship if I had drew some lines and dedicated my time to other things, just as he had. Married people need time apart too.
- I thought I could buy him – I love my husband. But, there is a part of me that lusts after him. I’m not sure if that’s OK because we are married or if its wrong. I find my husband to be very sexy, and I love being in bed with him. I don’t know if I should say I wanted to buy him. Lets just say I enjoyed giving him money and he happens to be very sexy, and we happen to be married. So, um I cant buy him because he is already mine. Duh.
- I feared losing him – when a spouse fears losing the other. That other partner knows, and will not have any respect for that person. He needs to fear losing me. Not me him. I shouldn’t have kept my hopes and dreams and worked on them everyday. So, now I have delayed the time when I will go back. I will take my vacation and if I lose my husband, I still have God and he makes me feel great.
- Most impact-fully I stopped reading my/our bible – God needs to be the center and focus of every marriage. Why? because he ordained it. He can keep it running smoothly like a well oiled machine.
- I needed to have something of my own – I literally just wanted to have a honey moon forever after my husband and I got married. It was such a beautiful time. But imagine you see your spouse every day not doing dick all wearing the same clothes and only living through you. Pretty annoying right?
- Time away/time alone – When we were living together something was nagging me to take some time to myself. Like I would have refreshed my self but I had accepted the lie that my husband and I should not spend any time away from each other. I also believed he should BE my life. So unhealthy for any relationship. Time away to refresh is healthy and gives your partner a chance to miss you
So, when you first get married have your life and keep yourself up. It is so important. Don’t forget to read my 10 things God wants you to know.