married to a sociopath
I am writing this blog post because I want to share with others (male and female) my experience being married to a sociopath. I never thought this would happen to me, but it did. So awareness is a good thing. This is how I am raising awareness. I have no intention to leave my husband. I love him very much. I know he has a problem. My plan is to work with or around it as much as I can. He is the man I asked the Universe for, no relationship is issue free…My husband just happens to be a sociopath. He lives a normal life, running a business, raising a child, has lots of friends…he only shows this side of himself pretty much to his significant other and perhaps those very close to him, such as his business partner. Well lets get to the list…shall we?
Sociopath Marriage: Dating… to, Physical Abuse to… Now…
- He was charming – When I met my husband…he was nice. When we had our first date he was charming, he smiled a lot…and always wanted to invite me out. He was shy…and not pushy about physical stuff. He spoke spiritually and intelligently. He was short, but I decided to see past that.
- He was Good looking – I first saw my husband from behind. He had a great but. I saw his face and saw that he looked like someone you would see on TV. Beautiful face…masculine yet almost feminine features, definitely above average in looks.
- He wanted to take me out – He took me on weird extravagant dates. Almost like he was living the life of a movie star and wanted me to jump in and enjoy the magic too. That was nice but really I just wanted to jump into bed with him.
- He wanted to move slow – All of my advances were met with patience. Our first physical encounter was on the beach at night time. We were talking, when I tried to kiss him he turned his head…if I tried to get my body near his he would prevent it. His cell phone rang so her turned away from me to have the conversation but still beside me. I decided to hug him from behind while smelling his hair. I had never dated a guys shorter than me…it felt almost like I was holding a baby. I was so afraid that I was hurting him. I asked him, he said I wasn’t. Finally we had our first kiss. He kissed me and it was perfect. I knew then and there I wanted to marry him, I guess he did too. We sat up all night talking and kissing.
- He was great in bed – The first time we did it, wasn’t great, but it got better. I thought he never ran out of energy. We were doing it 3x a day in the early stages of our relationship. Now that we know each other…the lovemaking is less frequent but a 10/10 in terms of the quality. I am so grateful for that. For some reason good love making is very important to me. He gives me exactly what I need every time. They say most sociopaths are like this.
- He was everything I ordered – The truth is my sociopath Husband is everything I ordered from the universe. I had about 4 major physical characteristics I had to have. I only asked for about well 4 inner characteristics. I got none of the inner stuff, like a compatible zodiac sign and loving me unconditionally. I got all four of the physical….I have to give credit to the universe. What I asked for was so specific and rare. I think I focused to much on the physical in my heart in my request.
- He was verbally abusive – My husband becomes loud and verbally abusive if you challenge him or point out his wrongs. This is classic sociopath behavior. They don’t like you to acknowledge that they did something that hurt you. He purposely screams so that the neighbors can hear what he is saying about me. He screams out things we do in bed and how I respond…yes very private stuff.
- He was physically abusive – The first time he hit me…yes the first time…It was because I was in the bathroom angry at him and began shouting off all the negative things he had done to me. The bath room door did not have a lock on it. He burst in, pushed me off the toilet with his chest, chased me up into the shower, grabbed me by my shirt color and dragged me down to his level (he is shorter than me) I thought he was going to kill me. I believe he intended to kill me. I believe he would have had no problem killing me that day. He didn’t care if he saw blood, if the ambulance came, if my Mother had to bury me, none of that. He intended to kill me. The only thing that may have stopped him was the thought that the neighbors would KNOW right away that it was him and he didn’t want to ruin his image.
- I craved him physically – We did split up at one point, but it wasn’t because of the above. For some Reason I craved him. I was staying with a friend and felt I just had to see my husband one more time before we really called it quits. I made up a lie and asked him if I could stay with him (after he broke up with me) He said yes. I got all that I wanted. It was great. I felt ok inside.
- He caused me hell – Eventually in true sociopath style, he caused me hell. This time was different. The words he used (the are great at using words to hurt you) triggered something in me. I was done. I packed up my stuff. The phrase he said to me replayed and replayed in my head. I decided to get a divorce.
We are now separated – So we separated. Somehow I began living my lie centered on God. I didn’t know God would be there just waiting on me. God accepted me back. He became my best friend, I became his servant again. He guided me. The way I dressed changed, I was happier, I never felt lonely, I felt hopeful about the future, I loved life, everything around me appeared brighter…until I spoke with him – My Sociopath Husband! Now I am dull, I am stressed, I put my goals on the back burner, I know history will repeat itself, I have to stick to my plan, my God plan…which of course is divinely perfect. Even the way my day feels now, is not the same.